Angel Dust
by Enide Dear
Summary: Raphael is having serious mood swings - more than usual - and Leo is getting worried. Is there something sinister behind it?


Title: Angel dust

Author: Enide Dear

Pairing: none, Raphael centered

Rating: not for kids! Not telling why because that would spoil the plot

Summary: Raphael is having serious mood swings. Leo have to wonder why.

"Man, these are the best eggs I've ever eaten!" Shuffling food into his mouth with one hand, Raph still managed to pat Mikey on the head with the other. "Seriously, bro, good work!"

"Aw, thanks!" Beaming with pride, Mikey wielded the spatula over the frying pan of sizzling breakfast. "I finally found out what the secret ingredient is. It's salt!"

"Well, it's awesome!" Raph kept eating as if he hadn't seen food for a week.

"Huh." On his end of the table, Leo poked the fried eggs. They were good….ish, which was about as good as it ever got down here, but they really weren't all that amazing. Hearing Raph praise Mikey on anything was rare enough, but for this? Weird. "Someone woke up on the right side." He muttered to Donnie who was also eating with one hand, fiddling with his t-phone on the other.

"It was bound to happened sooner or later," Donnie answered distracted. "I mean, even if the universe is just a series of chaotic impulses, that chaos itself gives raise to the possibility of Raph being mellow once every millennia."

"I suppose." Still a bit baffled, Leo shrugged it off and got back to his food.

At training everything seemed back to normal. Raph was his usual unstoppable tank of muscles rushing at you, growling and kicking and striking and Leo pushed away his previous misgivings. But that only lasted until the training was almost over. Raph was sparring against Donnie, and usually that meant the bo wielder was in for a beating, but not this time. Something was slightly off with Raph's strikes. Not much; perhaps only a fraction of an inch, but for ninjas as skilled and trained as them, that was a lot. And it made a lot of difference.

Donnie caught the sais on his bo, which he shouldn't have been fast enough to do, and slammed them aside, which he shouldn't have been strong enough to do, targeting Raph's weak knees, which Raph should have been able to avoid. But Raph was a little off his timing, a little of his precision and he lost his balance and fell over.

"Hey, I won! I won!" Donnie was almost too caught up in his euphoria to forget to nail Raph down and force him to surrender – and that too should have cost him his success – but he managed to keep the red-banded brother down.

Both Leo and Splinter was on their feet, hurrying to Raph.

"Raphael, are you alright my son?" Splinter hovered over him with a frown between his whiskers.

"Yeah, yeah." A bit grumpy – but not outraged – Raph took leo's hand and let his brother help him up. "Donnie just got lucky, that's all."

"No, he didn't." Leo grabbed Raph's huge fist and forced the fingers out. "Look at this. You are shaking!"

"It's nothing!" A bit more tempered, Raph pulled back his hand, glaring at Leo.

"And what's with the bandages?" Donnie asked, suddenly concerned, as he pointed to Raph's bicep.

"Fine." Raph's shoulders slumped a fraction. "I snuck out last night, found some purple dragons and punched them to the ground. One of the scratched me. It's nothing bad."

"Let me see." Unwinding the bandage, Donnie looked at the arm and shrugged. "This is barely a scratch. You don't need to have it under a bandage. Better to let it air out." He ran a finger along it. "Looks a bit ragged for a blade though. Looks more like a tooth mark."

"Well, it was a knife alright! A really rusty crappy one." Raph took a step back.

"Alright, I'll just give you a shot and you'll be fine." Donnie went ot pick up his first aid kit.

"Let that be a lesson for you my son. Do not sneak out without your brothers. Even a rusty old knife can do damage." Splinter sighed. "As punishment, you will clean the lair today."

"Fine. Sure." Rubbing his arm, Raph didn't even protest the punishment.

Leo's concerns started nagging at him again, worse this time.

"Don't you think it's something weird with Raph?" He asked quietly as he'd herded Mikey and Donnie into the kitchen. Outside they could hear Raph sloshing with water and a mop, humming under his breath. Humming!

"What do you mean? Is this because I beat him and you couldn't?" Huffing, Donnie crossed his arms.

"No! Well, a little." Leo conceded. "And because he's well….he seems happy. And a bit weird."

"Maybe he's got PMS?" Mikey chirped in.

Two pairs of eyes blinked at him.

"Do you even know what that is?" Donnie asked in the careful way of someone who doesn't want to be the one to explain it.

"Dude, pre-monster syndrome! I know all about it!"

Leo and Donnie exchanged a glance and decided wordlessly to just drop the subject.

"Maybe he's finally getting out of puberty," Donnie suggested. "Or into it."

"He's fifteen! None of us will be getting out of that for years!" Leo argued.

"He did say he beat the crap out of some guys last night. That usually gets him into a better mood." Donnie shrugged. "Seriously, you are making too big a deal out of this."

"Yeah, maybe…." But Leo couldn't shake the feeling something was wrong. Raph passed by with the mop outside, and his worries just sky rocketed. His volatile brother was not only cleaning without any signs of emotional melodrama but Mikey had got him to wear an apron while he did it. Not a cute frilly apron, for sure, but one with fake blood stains and the text 'kill the chef' but still! And he was still humming! "Don't tell me that's normal!" Leo hissed.

"Yeah, maybe…." Donnie frowned.

"Hey, maybe he's in love!" Mikey cut in. "Because the two of you act all wonky when your girlfriends are around!"

"April is not my girlfriend!" Donnie turned and snapped heatedly.

"Yeah, but you wish she was!"

Leaving the two bickering, Leo stared at Raph. Usually Mikey's ideas were, well, improbable to insane, but when it came to emotions you really shouldn't underestimate him. Maybe Raph wasn't sneaking out to beat up bad guys. Maybe he was meeting someone?

"What the shell were you thinking, you moron?!" Pushing the plate almost into Mikey's face, Raph cornered the smaller turtle. "Eggs?! Eggs again?! Is that all you can think off?"

"I…I just thought…you liked them this morning and…" Mikey's voice was small and unsteady. "….just wanted to make you happy?"

"Well, you failed again, didn't you? Isn't that all you do?" Tossing the eggs into a garbage bag, Raph spun it around. I ought to…"

"Raph, lay off him!" Grabbing Raph by the shoulder, Leo tore him off Mikey before things could get really ugly. "What are you doing?!"

Raph breathed heavily, clutching the garbage bag in his hand. Then he closed his eyes and seemed to be getting his feelings in check, but the bag in his hand rustled from his shaking hands. Shaking worse now than this morning.

"I'm sorry, Mikey. I just…I'm just in a bad mood right now. I wasn't going to hurt you. You know that, right?" Raph reached out for Mikey, but the smaller turtle instinctively shied away.

"Yeah, I know." Mikey's voice was still wobbly and he wouldn't look at Raph. "You just scared me, that's all."

"What is wrong with you, Raph?"Leo tried to make it a question without accusation, but it was difficult when he saw unshed tears in Mikey's eyes. "There is something you are not telling us."

"There is nothing! Lay off me!" With a burst of anger, Raph shoved of Leo's hand on his arm, grabbed a bottle of water and stormed out of the lair, garbage bag still in hand.

The three left behind exchanged worried looks.

Raph had been too upset to hide his tracks very well; Leo followed them light footed and with sword in hand. Mikey hadn't wanted to go after their irate brother and Donnie had decided to stay with him, but Leo couldn't leave the strange behavior alone. If Raph was seeing someone, then that someone was having a bad effect on an already volatile mind. He could have told Splinter, but after his own incident with Karai, it just seemed better to try to talk to Raph alone first.

He couldn't help but wonder who it could be. It wasn't as if they new many girls and Raph hated Karai with a passion. April was safely in the friend zone. Of course,it didn't necessarily have to be a girl but they knew even fewer guys. And most of those were the enemy, Dogpound and Fishface and Spiderbyte and so on….it seemed highly unlikely.

He slowed down as he heard Raph's voice a head in the tunnel. Talking to someone. In full ninja mode, Leo crept closer.

The light was bad but he could make out Raph crouching, talking – growling – to what appeared to be a box. He was waving the garbage bag and the water bottle in the air. Not really a lovey-dovey situation, for all that Leo's romantic episodes all seemed to involve Karai trying to cut his head off.

Raph kicked the box – no, the cage – and Leo dropped all thoughts of meeting a girlfriend. No, this was something else.

"Do it! Do it, or you'll stay in there 'til you rot, you miserable jerk!" Raph growled at the cage. Leo crept closer, chills of fear creeping up his spine.

"You will do that anyway, turtle. Why should I give you what you want? Or should I say, what you need?"

Leo's chills because shivers. He knew that voice. It was Fishface.

"You'll do it, or I won't give you any food or water. You haven't eaten or drunk all day. Bet that is taking its toll by now." Raph grabbed the bars, pressing his face against them. "Do it!" He sounded almost desperate.

Leo's head spun. What was going on here? Fishface – or Xever – was a dangerous enemy. Clever, streetsmart, an excellent fighter. And he held a grudge against them all. But there was something more about him, wasn't there? Something Leo had forgotten.

There came a hiss from inside the cage.

"Water first. Then I'll do it."

Raph shoved the bottle inside and there came the sound of eager drinking.

"Give me your arm, turtle." The bottle was thrown out. Raph reached into the cage, shivering even more now. Shivering and sweating and with an unhealthy need glowing in his eyes….

"Raph, no!" Too late, Leo remembered Fishface other weapon. Too late he realized what Raph was doing.

Raph's scream when he was bit was part pain, part pleasure, and he fell backwards curling up on himself. His eyes rolled back but his muscles relaxed and the smile on his face was one of bliss. Running, Leo reached his side and lifted his head up.

"Raph! Raph, do you hear me?!" In the cage beside him, Fishface was hissing with laughter, but Leo barely heard it. His fingers fumbled as he got the t-phone up.

"Donnie? Mikey? Get over here! Raph…." He almost choked on the words. "Raph is a junkie."

"Started when you told me what I was like the first time he bit me."Bedded down in his own bed, Raph stared at the ceiling, not looking at anyone. "I figured…it seemed to make me happy and relaxed. After the worse poison wore of. Figured I could use it. Keep myself…mellow. Friendlier. Just wanted to stop..being so angry and mean all the time. Guess that blew up in my face, huh?"

"Yeah. We're just glad you're alright, bro." Leo sighed, sitting on the edge of the bed and patted his hand.

"Oh, he's not alright." Donnie sighed, looking at a blood sample. "He's an addict. He's developed a dependence on the narcotic effects of Fishface 's venom."

"What does that mean?" Mikey demanded. "Is he sick? Can't you cure him?"

"No one can cure him." Donnie shook his head sadly. "You got to do that yourself Raph. You got to purge the venom from your body first – and that's going to be ugly – and then…then you are going to have to live with the need for more for the rest of your life. And you can never, ever give in to that need, do you understand? You got lucky you hadn't time to try out this hare-brained idea of yours for long or you might have sustained physical injuries. On both yourself and on us."

"Yeah, I thought you were going to rip my head off for some eggs, dude." Mikey leaned over him. "I don't wanna see that happen ever again!"

"Don't worry Mikey." Raph cast a quick glance at his smallest brother, just enough so he could see the terrible shame in the green eyes. "It wont happen again. I did this for you guys…sorta. I can stop it for you as well."

"Good. But we'll be watching you." Leo crossed his arms. "And we let Fishface go. Kind of cruel to keep him locked up in there."

"Yeah. Thanks. Can I…just be alone right now?" Raph muttered.

"Nope. You wont' be left alone for a long time, bro, until we know you've purged the venom. You'll be puking, shivering, hallucinating and worse for days." Donnie put away his medical stuff. "That's why I've chained your ankle to the wall. But don't' worry we'll be here to take care of you and tease you about it. Who takes the first watch?"

"I'll do it." Leo said, still sitting on the bed."See you guys later."

"I didn't mean for it to go like this." Raph muttered when they were alone. "I just wanted…"

"A shortcut. I get it." Leo held his hand, which was starting to shake and sweat now.

"Guess I'm paying for that now, huh?" Raph tried to grin but didn't make it. "Hey Leo…"

"Yeah?"

"Have you always had purple horns on your head?"

A/N: Substance abuse is bad for you! Stay away from mutant pusher fish! Just say no! :XD:

A/N2: Too many pics of the turtles being captured out there. Wanted to see them having a prisoner.

A/N3: Faving without commenting is just cowardly, people! No comments - no more tmnt fics from me here.


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